Dear Dr. _________,
I am writing as a follow-up to our ER visit on Saturday. I am certain that you will remember me, the guardian who fired you from treating my brother. I wanted to take a minute and explain to you why I asked you to step aside and why another physician was needed in your place.
- You made a recommendation for medical care for my brother without assessing him. You did not even take 5 seconds to step in and say hello and yet, somehow you think your pedigree gives you the right to treat him, sight unseen.
- You made a recommendation for an invasive medical treatment without cause. Sure, go ahead and restrain my brother to the bed so that you can put an IV in him. I’ll just step aside and allow you and your staff to recklessly provide treatment that is not medically necessary. Your “little” hospital makes a profit off that IV doesn’t it? Your “little” hospital does not make any money off my brother when he is taking up a bed for observation does it?
- You had the audacity to ask where “his mother” was! How dare you? You do not know the first thing about him or his situation. If you had taken the time to even glance at his file, you would have seen that he was there with his sister and guardian–the person who has provided care for him for the past 20 years. That should have been a hint that his mother was not in the picture. Did it ever occur to you that his mother might have passed away at some point in his life? He is 33 after all. As humans age, the likelihood that our parents pass away increases. How cold and inconsiderate of you to ask such a question!
- How many grand mal seizures have you seen? Let’s be honest. You are, at best, 28 years old. I’m pretty sure you didn’t see any seizures in medical school, maybe 1 or 2 in your residency, maybe 1 or 2 more in your time in the ER. I’ll give you 5 and I think that is generous. How many of my brother’s seizures have you seen? Zero. That’s right–none. If you learned anything in medical school, it should have been that no two people have the same type of seizures. So don’t go taking your very minor seizure experience and try to act like you know anything about my brother’s seizures. By the way, I’ve been a witness and first responder to my brother for about 5 seizures per year. You do the math. I’m pretty certain that I know more than you do when it comes to his seizures.
- Before you go talking down your nose to me, you should know that I am not some uneducated homeless person off the street. I realize that at your fancy “little” hospital, most of your patients are homeless, uninsured, do not speak English as a first language, or are drunk/strung out on drugs. What you don’t know is that I have a doctorate myself. That degree came from a major Research-I institution (top 5 in my field if you want to get specific about it). Oh, and I have a master’s degree too–from an Ivy League school very similar to the one where you work now. So please, do not patronize me.
- Finally, I will remind you that you took the Hippocratic Oath at some point in your career. You remember it, don’t you? I especially want to highlight the parts about over-treatment and the importance of warmth and sympathy. I’m including a copy so you can review it in its entirety.
I hope that you learned something from your experience with my brother and me. You need to treat your patients and their family members with respect and care. Contrary to what you may have been taught in medical school, you do not know everything. You are not even close. Maybe after a few more years of experience, you will learn that. Or maybe you won’t.
Sincerely,
Missy (the sister, guardian, and eternal advocate for my brother)
Hippocratic Oath (Modern Version via Wikipedia)
I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant:
I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.
I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of over-treatment and therapeutic nihilism.
I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon’s knife or the chemist’s drug.
I will not be ashamed to say “I know not”, nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a patient’s recovery.
I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given to me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.
I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person’s family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick.
I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.
I will remember that I remain a member of society with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.
If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, be respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help.
We are linking up again with Erica over at Yeah Write. Hop on over there and check out all the other blogs. Go back on Thursday to vote on your favorites!
Go get ’em, Missy!! Once again, I feel like your biggest fan. This letter should be posted in the doctor’s break room in every hospital. First, do no harm. Thanks for being the advocate your brother deserves. Great post, Erin
Thank you Erin! You have made my day. Saturday was rough to say the least so writing this post was therapeutic for me! Now it has double benefits! Thanks for stopping by!
AMEN to this. There are SO many doctors who do this exact same thing! some even prescribe psychiatric medication to the kids I work with without talking to them for more than 5 minutes! UGH! Thank YOU for being a strong advocate for your brother, everyone needs that in this medical day and age.
Thank you Jenn! This is one of those posts where I held my breath before I hit “publish”. I’m breathing a little easier now. Thanks for stopping by!
Absolutely!!! Missy, you make me laugh and cry and yell “Hooray” all at the same time!!! Thanks for your hard work with your brother and with all our kids – you are amazing. I really hope you send a copy of this to that “little” hospital, or at least to someone who can make sure the doc sees it sometime…
Ann
Awww! thanks Ann. It’s funny that you suggested printing it. About 10 seconds ago, I had the same thought! I plan to print it and include it in my letter to the administrator. Her behavior was completely out of line and after the seizure that I endured with Mac, she picked the wrong person and the wrong time to behave irresponsibly.
Thanks for commenting! I know you are a regular reader!
Missy, I am sorry that you had such an awful experience but truly marvel at how you have just made it positive for so many….. I think as parents and guardians there are many times that you feel like your hands are tied. You have reminded us all to trust in ourselves and listen to that inner voice; we all hear. Your brother is very fortunate to have a sister like you.!!! Thank you for sharing and helping us all.
Thanks! I had a rough weekend, to say the least. Thank goodness I am surrounded by great people like you, Norm, and Rebecca. I would never survive!
Good for you! Sadly I think compassion is something doctors and others dealing with the public can only learn by first hand experience. Please tell me that you REALLY sent this letter!
Hi Robbie,
I have not sent the letter. Writing it was incredibly therapeutic. But, after some thought, I think I will include a copy of it when I write to the administration to complain.
Thanks for stopping by!
So well said, Missy. I’m so sorry you and Mac had to go through this, and I pray that this pompous upstart of a doctor figures out his horrific mistake and treats future patients better.
Thanks Gena, so great to see you on here! Can you believe another woman treated me that way?!?! The behavior would make us think it was a man speaking to a woman but all of that attitude was given to a woman from a woman. Sad, right?
Great, great post. My mum works as a “new doctor educator” (obviously that’s not the clinical term 😉 in a major hospital and said there’s been a noticeable fall in bedside manner and interpersonal skills in the past decade. You do sense it quite often. This letter should definitely be mass-distributed!
You are sweet! Thank you! I’d be curious how your Mum teaches bedside manner to new docs.
your brother’s a lucky guy to have you for a sister, guardian, and advocate. sorry for the crappy experience. 😦
Thanks for coming by Christina. I am the lucky one. I have learned so much from him.
Fabulous post! Doctors are salesmen in white jackets, selling drugs, procedures and more drugs. Way to stick up for your own!
I’m glad you liked the post. Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment!
I’m sorry you had to deal with that. There are great doctors and there are not-so-great doctors. Unfortunately we get who we get in an ER. Kudos to you for insisting upon another and you really should make sure the initial doctor gets that letter – it might make a difference for the next person he ‘treats’.
Sadly, this is not the first doctor I have fired. I fired my mom’s neurologist following her heart attack. Luckily, I have learned over the years that we do have a little say in who treats us. There is just no guarantee that the replacement is any better. In our case, I got the woman’s supervisor. He was great.
I have personally experienced, and witnessed, so many situations similar to yours lately. What is up with doctors not caring, not listening, not explaining, not examining, not doing their damn job?! It makes me crazy! I don’t care how similar the “cases” may be, every PERSON is different. Good for you for writing that letter. I hope your brother gets a good doctor who will treat him with the care he deserves.
Thanks for stopping by! I’ve been advocating for my brother for 20 years now. I have learned that I have to push in order to help him get what he needs and deserves.
We are our families’ best advocates, that’s to be sure. I’m glad you were there for your brother, and don’t forget there are more than a few “uneducated” advocates who can still open a can of whoop-ass on some uncaring doctors.
Erica, I know you are super busy so I love that you had time to stop by. Also, thanks for tweeting about this!
And thanks for pointing out that a pedigree is not needed in order to advocate. Only love is needed.
I want an advocate like you! Your brother is a lucky guy. As others have said this should be posted in every hospital across the land. Well done!
Thank you Stephanie! Actually, I am the lucky one. He has taught me so much (and he teaches me something every day).
Oh my, I have a girl crush right now. I’d like to staple this letter to the foreheads of some very inconsiderate doctor’s that have had the misfortune of dealing with me over the years. Bravo! My son has Grand Mal Seizures that present very differently than what a lot of doctors think of as the norm. It’s always an exercise in frustration for me when I have to explain his condition to a new doctor. Gah.
Hah! Delilah, you are so cute! I’m glad you could relate. Mac is 33 and this was only his 4th grand mal. It was by far the worst. I cannot imagine if it was this way every time. I’m still seeing vivid images of his poor little body writhing on the floor.
Hang in there. Have a good SAG crew is so important.
Bravo!! Good for you for standing up for what’s right. Your brother is lucky to have such an awesome advocate.
Thank you! We complement each other well. He teaches me and I try to teach others. Thanks for stopping by!
Ooof, good letter! Sometimes, doctors are jerks. I hear you.
I bet you could draw some pretty good pictures to portray our interactions. Thanks for stopping by!
Excellent post. Well said. Intelligently said. I’m sorry you have to go through this with doctors. It sounds like your brother has an excellent advocate.
Thank you Michelle! and thanks for stopping by!
This letter is wonderful and I bet it felt good to write it. As one of “them” (doctors) I’d like to say that unless someone tells them they are behaving badly they might just be too tired to realize how rude they have been. And then of course they might just not be very good at what they do…Compassion and empathy help heal more illness than medicines.
Keep caring and advocating for your brother. I wish my daughter had a sister like you.
Thanks Catherine. This letter doesn’t do justice for all the great doctors we have had. This was the first negative experience we have had in the ER at this “little” hospital. I think that is why I was so taken aback by the way I was treated. Normally, we get star treatment. In fact, the admissions clerk came over to say hello to her “favorite” patient! We’ve only been there 4 times in 3 years so that says a lot, right?
Thanks for coming by!
so glad to read this. thank god you’re there to advocate for your brother and hoping others in your position are inspired to do so by this!
Thanks Susan. I can only hope that this doctor does not repeat her mistake.
Your brother is so lucky that he has you to advocate for him.
And bravo to you for stepping up and putting that young lil’ doc in his/her place! (-:
Thank you Ado. And Thanks for stopping by. I love you blog!
Go you! I think it’s sad that doctors these days don’t look at their patients as people, as human beings who deserve to be treated with respect. And especially the way they treat the patient’s family members. Good on you for standing up for your brother, for yourself.
Thanks Alison! It certainly proved to be therapeutic for me to write the letter. Now I just need to see who to send it to. Thanks for stopping by again!
if only everyone had an advocate like you ….
Awwwww, Thanks Stephanie. And Thanks for stopping by.
Well said, Missy. I hope you send this – this is the kind of feedback turns bad docs good.
I hope so! I’m definitely sending the letter in.
fantastic. yes. I hope they learn that it is not acceptable to treat people that way.
Thank you Tara and thanks for stopping by!
It’s so useful to actually read the Oath. And I’m so glad you are your brother’s advocate. We should all be so lucky.
Reading the oath was helpful for me too. The last time I actually read it, I was in grad school. I’m thinking the Dr. should re-read it as well.
Please tell me you gave him this letter!
And while you are at it there are a few more doctor’s that could benefit from this subtle reminder..
It sounds like your brother has an excellent guardian!
I have not yet Mirjam but I am definitely going to! Thanks for stopping by!
Your brother is lucky to have you.
Out of nowhere, my roommate in college had a seizure in the middle of the night. It was the scariest night of my life, having had no experience with seizures in my life. I went to the hospital with him and he was very out of it, but the doctor took great care of him as well as me lol.
I totally get it! I needed some TLC as well. It was horrific for me to see him go through it. When we went in to see the neurologist later in the week, he and his nurse indicated that caregivers often need post traumatic therapy to get over it.
Thanks for stopping by!
That’s the Missy I know!! There are so many times I have written similar letters in my head. There are some great doctors out there, but the ones that think they are God drive me crazy! Glad your brother is doing better now and I have to say that is an awesome picture of him at the top!
I miss you! Thanks for stopping by. Don’t be a stranger! Sending my love,
This is perfectly written! I just started a blog myself (www.midnightpotofcoffee.blogspot.com)– I am a behavior analyst and my son has epilepsy, communication delay and developmental delay with regression. Our hospital experience was all to familar to this. Thank you so much for sharing!!! 🙂
Hi Diana, Thanks for stopping by. I just checked out your blog and it looks great! Keep up the good work!
[…] not pretend to be experts in the ethical requirements for physicians, despite a previous post on The Hippocratic Oath. We will, however, address client rights as it relates to ethical principles for Psychologists and […]