If you have stopped by because the title sounded enticing and you were really looking forward to some hearty discussion about evidence-based practices, you will have to come back another day. You know as readers that we are die-hard evidence-based girls. None the less, today’s topic is actually about parental responsibility of keeping teachers up to date on family matters.
Besides us, as parents, teachers spend more time with our children than any other person in our children’s life. Wow. That is a lot of time. Because of this, teachers may be the first to notice subtle changes in our children’s behaviors, emotions, learning, and friendships.
We, as parents, need to keep teachers informed about events in our children’s lives that may impact their performance at school. We are not suggesting that you air your dirty laundry with your child’s teacher. Instead, we are suggesting that you keep her apprised of serious events.
As adults, we process information differently than children. We have a series of life events, education, and experiences that have formed the way we process information. What may seem like an everyday activity, may be a source of stress for a young child who is still figuring out the world. Factor in hormonal changes that occur with adolescence and your child could have a serious case of the blues at school.
Serious Illness in the Family or Friendship Circle
Illnesses such as cancer are scary for all of us but it is especially scary for children. If you have a friend or family member who is fighting cancer, your child may fear that he/she will catch it. They may begin thinking about death and have questions about the future. Hopefully, you have held those discussions at home. Either way, your child is probably thinking about it.
Change of Living Conditions
As parents, we are good about telling school staff when we move. However, what if the conditions in the home change? What if a relative is moving in for an extended period of time due to a loss of a job? What if the children changed rooms? What if a parent is out of the home to go care for a sick family member? All of these things sound simple for us as adults, but children may not handle the change so easily.
Loss of a Relative
The loss of a cousin, great-aunt, or other distant relative may not result in a cross-country trip to the funeral. Thus, your child’s teacher is most likely unaware of the incident. However, your child is. With the invention of cell phones, many of us have adult conversations all day long when our children are within an earshot of us. They know when these events happen, even if we don’t directly share the information with them.
Loss of a Pet
You know that goldfish that you have been secretly wishing would die? Well even though your child hasn’t fed it, spoken to it, or even looked at it in months, she will fall apart when it’s gone. Endearment for pets is not just limited to living pets. Some children form close bonds with stuffed animals. If one gets a “boo-boo”, it could cause stress for your little one.
New Pregnancy
We get that you were not planning a pregnancy or that you don’t want the world to know until it is a safer time. However, your little one has probably already picked up on the vibes or even overheard conversations. Nothing is more confusing for children than the age-old question “where do babies come from?” So, while you may want to keep it a secret, it is probably best that your child’s teacher know that you are pregnant. That is far better than her assuming that you are “sick” from too many cocktails the previous night.
Pending Divorce or Separation
No parent wants the neighborhood that things on the home front have fallen apart. However, your child’s teacher needs to know that a separation or divorce is on the horizon. Your child may handle the news when you present it but she may show her feelings differently at school.
These topics are just a few of the things you should share with your child’s teacher. School staff, including your child’s teacher, have received training on how to handle confidential information. Privacy laws prevent your family’s issues from becoming fodder for school gossip. Additionally, schools have a number of different staff available who can assist your child in times of need (e.g., school psychologist, school social worker, and school counselor). However, these trained personnel cannot help if they do not know.
Thus, be sure to keep your child’s teacher in the know so he/she can help your child adjust to life events.
This post will be linked up over at Yeah Write. Go check out all the other posts that have linked up.
completely agree with this!!
Thanks for stopping by Christina! Nice to meet you!
Excellent advice. Teachers will otherwise make their own assumptions about changes in behavior. Best to keep them apprised.
Great point Stephanie! We failed to mention that teachers may come up with their own ideas about behavior! Thank you for stopping by.
Good advice, for sure!
Thanks! and thank you for stopping by! I enjoyed visiting your blog.
Solid advice. I also make sure I let the teacher know when my husband is out of town for longer stretches as those are times we all really struggle at home.
Parenting seems so much harder these days compared to when I was younger. Don’t you think? On the other hand, perhaps my mom just pulled it off so well and made it seem that parenting was easy. Thanks for stopping by!
Great post. I try to explain everything my kids want to know, as simply and directly as I can. My son has been dealing with the death of a teacher and mentor, it’s been 7 months since he died, and we’re still dealing with it. I have a feeling it’ll be a while, but it really helps my son to talk about it.
Wow! I wouldn’t think he would still be thinking about it 7 months later. It just goes to show, our children have much more on their minds than they let us know about.
It seems like the ideal situation for children always involves a close parent-teacher partnership. Great advice!
Agreed Emily! Thanks for stopping by. We hope to see you again!
Great points here. It’s amazing what they pick up on when we think they are not listening. My mother passed away nearly 2 years ago and just a few months ago I had to explain to his pre-K teacher what happened because he brought it up to her as if it has JUST happened. I didn’t know it was still on his mind in such a big way.
Good observation Michelle. They listen even when we think they are not. I’m reading a book right now about divorce. One of the strategies the author recommends is to purposefully say things to a speaker in the event that the children are listening. I’m sorry about your loss. I really enjoyed Motherless Daughters. It took me 2 years to start the grieving process myself.
Great advise. Thanks!
Nothing like a great typo to start the morning. Great Advice, thanks!
Hysterical! I saw it but first wondered if you spoke “proper” English. Thank you for stopping by! We love visitors.
I was a former teacher as well. This rings so true, and it is nicely stated. Our neighbors’ house burned to the ground in the middle of the night last year. Everyone was safe, but my middle son was an emotional wreck after watching his friends house burn to the ground and then having to watch the family move away for awhile (they are back now in a beautiful new home). We worked with his teacher and school counselor to help him feel more secure, but four months later we were on a family vacation having fun and he brought it up again. Kids are emotional creatures. Teachers need to know. Great post. Erin
This is great and thorough advice. I’ll definitely keep this in mind for my kids’ teachers.
Absolutely positively. It feels like an invasion in some instances, I’m sure. But even at the high school level, I would have appreciated more information.
Teenagers are Grumpy Gus candidates anyway – and moody! It’s very hard to tell if it’s just general, hormonal grumpiness or if there is something serious. And multiply that by 34 per class X 5 a day, how can we tell who needs some extra leeway for being snippy or just plain rude? I always warned my students – sans too much detail – when I was going through a lot. And too often I found out after the fact that someone was dealing with illness or legal/immigration issues or working 30 hours a week after school. Information works!
thank you for stopping by! We couldn’t agree more–even at the high school level, we have to keep teachers informed.
Thank you! Not only do we teachers want to know so we can try to be supportive of your child, but we also want to make sure that we are supportive of you as parents, if possible. In other words, we don’t want to bug you about something minor at school if you are dealing with something major at home. And when we do have to talk to you about your child, we want to do it with some sensitivity to what all of you are going through. The more parents and teachers can be on the same team – Team (Your Child’s Name) – the better.
Thanks for stopping by again! And yes, we parents want to hear from the teachers. Even little things like “your daughter was super sweet to another child today” can be music to our ears.
And of course, we cannot stress enough the importance of working together for Team (your child’s name).