Lately, I have begun paying attention to the ways people parent when they are on community outings. Many times, I see toddler tantrums that make me laugh. Why do I laugh? Well, if the parent is laughing, then the parent understands why the toddler is throwing such a fit.
You see, many parents understand that toddlers are going to tantrum. Many parents also know why their toddlers throw tantrums. Toddler tantrums are really just words that the toddler has not yet acquired.
“I want _______”
“I don’t want __________”
“_______ is mine”
This is true and there is even a shirt about it. This is a shirt showing the toddler tantrum yoga poses. See? Parents know their children’s tantrums! 
You know what else? Pet owners often understand what their pets are trying to tell them.
“I’m hungry”
“Let’s play fetch”
“Let’s go outside”
“I have to potty”
“I’m tired and can’t walk anymore. Carry me.”
Pet owners know what their dog is saying, even though they cannot speak.
What I have never understood, however, is why people don’t understand (or don’t even try to understand) the tantrums exhibited by individuals with autism. Individuals with autism who are non-verbal have tantrums because they, too, have not yet acquired the words. Yet, when they have a tantrum, people are not laughing. Whey they have a tantrum, people get mad. When they have a tantrum, they get restrained, punished, or yelled at.
What we, as behavior analysts have learned over the years, is that individuals with autism are using their behaviors to communicate. A behavior analyst’s job is to assess what the individual with autism is trying to say with his tantrum.
“I want ________”
“I don’t want ______”
“I need help ________”
“I am all done”
That assessment is called a functional behavioral assessment. After the assessment, the behavior analyst designs a communication intervention program to teach the individual to communicate instead of tantrumming. You’ve heard the old saying, “Use your words”. When an individual is non-verbal, she does not have words. So, behavior analysts teach augmentative and alternative communication strategies or AAC. Individuals can learn to sign. They can learn to use pictures to express their wants. Or they can use an iPad equipped with proloquo2go. The options are endless.
So, next time you are out in public and you see an individual with autism throwing a tantrum, think about your toddler and her tantrums. Know that the individual is trying to tell us something. We just need to stop and listen.
Addendum
This is one of our favorite posts. We are hoping to share it with others today as we link up with Ado over at the Momalog as she celebrates her blog’s first birthday. Hop on over there and check out the other bloggers’ favorite posts.
This is exactly why the use of AAC is so important for people with autism and others who are non-verbal. When my son is without his communication tools, even for a short time, he gets frustrated and has behavior issues as a result.
Thanks Eric. You are exactly right! This is why AAC is so important. I am glad that your son has tools to use. That is one reason why I like the iPad so much. It is portable and acceptable in the community.
Very good post. I remember when we applied this technique when my son was 3 years old. He used to tantrum for every little thing. ABA has helped him immensely. Now he is 7 and he has come a long way.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
Thank you! I am glad that your son is improving! ABA is an effective intervention when used appropriately.
Great advice.
And I do like the Tantrum Yoga tee. 🙂
Thanks for linking up with Ado and I for Blog Bash.
Thanks for having the opportunity! And thanks for stopping by. Isn’t that the BEST tee?
First of all, love the tantrum yoga t-shirt. Want one.
Secondly, totally agree with you on observing parenting when out in public – with all children. It seems particularly true that in large crowds (aka Disneyland) parents just don’t speak child. I can often see a tantrum brewing – or see that a child is tired – and yet the parent is dragging them around the shopping mall or whatever.
I have an autistic nephew and it’s interesting but I have never thought of autistic tantrums in this way that you described – it’s very helpful. Thanks so much for linking up with us. (-:
Thank you! I’ve been following your blog for quite a while now. I’ve shared it with the girls. Your post about your mom really hits home with me for reasons I cannot discuss openly. Thanks for sharing it with readers.
I just realized today that I was not following you on twitter so I added you right away.
Thanks again for stopping by!
this is a wonderful post, and thought-provoking. the choices we make in responding to tantrums are so often more based on our needs (or i should be saying, my needs) as opposed to the needs or desires of the other party. it’s a post like this that really makes me think how important it is to remember that it’s not about me, but what someone else is trying to – and needs to – communicate. thanks!
Thank you Suzy! We can only hope that people working with non-verbal or limited verbal people will slow down and listen to other ways the individuals may be trying to talk. Thanks for stopping by, please come back and visit again!
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