I have to start this post with a confession: today’s post has nothing to do with Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA).
Today’s post is a rambling of my (Missy) own issues with being a parent (or bonus-parent if you want to be more precise). Last night, our youngest (also known as Baby Cakes) wrote a letter to the tooth fairy. Here it is:
And now I feel like a big fat liar.
How sweet is that letter? Baby Cakes is an angel and she is ridiculously sweet. It kills me that we have led her to believe that this person/thing exists. When she finds out there is no tooth fairy (or Santa, or Easter Bunny) she will never believe anything we tell her.
Have any of you had this same dilemma? How did you handle it (besides drinking loads of wine)? Please share because my heart is breaking.
Missy and other moms and dads,
This isn’t something to agonize over, kids gradually learn about Santa, tooth fairy, Easter bunny, etc., and accept that their parents love them enough to bring a little magic into their lives. Our almost 13yo knows that we do this, but won’t admit to it because he wants the magic to continue (and the presents and money and goodies)! Some outside influences (school) might teach them otherwise, or kids will tease them, but I believe that believing is good for our kids. When questioned directly, we say that we believe in the spirit of Santa (or others). Good luck on this one, the letter is adorable and a keeper for her scrapbook!!
Ann, thanks for your input. I’m glad that your “older” child has not had emotional issues over it. Our older child, “Beanie” had a tearful breakdown last Christmas (4th grade). She confessed that she knew Santa wasn’t real and she felt betrayed. It was awful. Then she asked us if God was made up too. I still cringe.
I like the idea of the spirit issue (e.g., Spirit of Christmas) and the Polar Express is great for enforcing that.
Thanks again!
Welcome to the ranks of the “I-hate-myself-because-I’ve-damaged-my-kids-with-this-white-lie” committee. In my house we actually do believe in fairies and spirit guides and God and guardian angels and all sorts of high-vibe, non threatening esoteric entities. But that doesn’t mean we were able to avoid that rueful day when the children decided to discuss (argue about) the differentiation between tooth fairies and all manner of non sentient beings of light and love.
Just a couple of days ago my son (almost 9) & my daughter (almost 11) were having a philosophical discussion over the fact that the TOOTH fairy specifically isn’t real, but fairies are. And for that matter, my son believes in Santa (we’re Jewish) probably because I raised them quite ecumenically, talking about ways ALL people should share and celebrate the essence of the holidays and the spirit of Oneness.
So fast forward to this week: my daughter wants to believe in the Tooth Fairy and my younger one does not and he keeps tormenting her by insisting it’s me! Because my daughter still wants/needs to hold on to a semblance of her faith, my honey and I decided to tell her that fairies can subcontract out to human counterparts and can also appear as they do so unless the apparent “Mama” speaks, you can’t be sure it’s really me at all and not a fairy dressed up like me so she wouldn’t be frightened if she saw her in her room at night.
This was either a brilliant move on my part or something that she will work out in therapy for years to come. Either way, we do the best we can do to support them in their dreams and ever-evolving belief systems.
I love that Shira. We actually told Baby Cakes something similar. I have a 33-year-old brother who also happens to have pretty significant developmental delays so he acts like he is 2. So, Baby Cakes asked why Mac didn’t get presents from Santa. We told her that Santa asked us to help him out because he has so many kids to care for.
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Hello.
I come from a culture (Botswana) that doesn’t have the culture of Santa, Tooth fairy and am also of a religious persuasion that doesn’t encourage belief in such. My 7 year old son believes in fairies and mermaids and anything pretty and pink and butterflies. These he picked from the TV shows he follows and collection of books on Tinkerbell and the other fairies. The elder sister 12 and brother 9 feel its inapropriate to put it mildly and the baby cries a lot and reports they tease him about it. But we assured him in a family meeting that he was okay and he seems happy wih that.
Hi Shiellah, thanks for stopping by the blog! And thanks for giving feedback. I continue to struggle over Santa and the Tooth Fairy. I honestly feel like I am lying. And while I know that every parent has the right to tell their children whatever they want, I want to be honest to the kids and tell them why we have these practices.
I think imagination is wonderful! Let your child imagine and hopefully, his creativity will live long as he ages.
Thanks and come back soon!